Life is interesting...

What am I doing with my life?

Its been about a year and a half that I've last update my Xanga.

I know a lot of people have come and gone since then.

Currently I am in Los Angeles, moved from Sacramento to attend UCLA.

It is now my last year at UCLA and going to graduate in June of this next year.

I have a midterm tomorrow and planned to go to bed early, but I can't sleep. I have too much on my mind.

For some reason I feel I am inapt to being all that I can be someday. I have dreams, that have been since I was very young of being a Doctor someday.

I know I can become all that I believe I can be, but at this school its so difficult. I try and try and seem to come up short, perhaps its a pyschy issue and need to be more confident. But in reality I really hope to be a doctor to go home and serve on my reservation. Why do the professors have to work so hard to weed people like me that have the passion?

Personally Im frustrated. I never had the parents to sit me down and say "Son, you need to get your homework done"...so now Im stuck training myself to be more disciplined...that is a definate area I feel inapt.

Perhaps you have some thoughts...I feel as if there has got to be something I need to change in my lifestyle in order to get on a better track.

Hope someone out there can offer thoughts...

Currently Listening See the Morning By Chris Tomlin Everlasting God see related

What am I doing with my life right now?!

Hey friends.

I haven't wrote for almost a month now.

Things are going ok. School is started but I've procrastinated BADLY. This is my last semester at this school - thank God!

Although, I am not very motivated - nothing feels exciting.

I am in a rut right now. Its harder to think about it and realize that I am but its better to admit it. I know you are all miles away in whereever, but friends I really need your prayer support. I have been struggling with thoughts of my past and even deviled into some of it. Not too major, but I know if I don't stop I will just continue down the wrong path into those hardcore things I was once involved in.

For some reason I am not fully submitting my life to God. At times I wonder if being at the Russian church I am at (not being Russina myself) is a fiscade - is it really me? Who am I... in Christ? I am not able to address issues from my past that lurk in my life at times because of the language barrier and plain fact some people just don't want to deal with it. For such a big church - at times it seems there is no faith there. I mean faith that can MOVE MOUNTAINS and more. I want victory over areas of my life and I'm not finding the support and help at the church. But look at me, I am 24 and shouldn't I be clear of problems in my life? Also, again I am 24 and I get thrown in a leadership role in everything I get involved in - so I go from intending to get lifted up to a person leading all of it. Its hard, but its probably where God would rather have me then not involved in any ministry.

Long story short - I am tired and lazy.

Lazy to turn my life around in areas and tired of disappointment - in myself and the others alongside me.

I need my own REVIVAL.

I have longed for some type of mentorship from an older person - ever since my Dad left us at 12 years of age. Yet, I see a repeat behavior. Here I am looking and expecting something out of others or my church - but in reality - GOD IS SAYING... hey hey JARED --- I am right here!!!

Am I emberrased by this seperation from me and God right now? It was only weeks ago that I had this lackluster of a relationship - but turn of events and I cant stick with this. Whats my problem?

1) We've moved on Jan 15 to my older bro's (with his family)
2) I have gotten the flu and sick
3) I don't have a car - the "Bu" is decommissioned for now, since it needs a new engine and I don't have $1,200 to fix it.
4) I have a low self esteem with my progress in school - I guess its all due to turning 24 :( I am not finished yet?

5) Arguing with my twin about many different reasons.

I have a slight loss of interest for the time being in reading the word, praying at times, and just solid living for Christ.

I am sorry to be so blunt, vulnerable, and out - there.

But I thought hey YOU CANT KICK my butt, since you all live miles away. Perhaps you all can at least give me some words of Godly advice or share anytimes you were in this same circumstance and what you may have done.

I am going to head to bed early. yes it seems 10:15 is early now that school is back in the swing of things.

Hope that all is well for you. I hope I get to talk with you all soon.

In Christ,
Jared

- sorry for the long story...

I am moving...

Tuesday - I heard about the opportunity to live with my older brother and his family.

Wednesday - Told my landlord - they weren't please - but there is no contract. I started moving most of everything at 8:30 PM

Thursday - Finishing the move....

NO INTERNET available at my brothers...

So I think this will be a healthy getaway from the net.

Please pray for the following:

1) This move with my brother and his family - same city - bigger house.

2) Missions to Russia or anywhere God wants me this summer

3) My brother doesn't have a job he is in need of work

4) My diligence in everything I do

Thanks my friends...

Hope you all will do fine while I am gone...and I am sure you will.

In Christ,

Jared Michael Dunlap

A Clean Slate

It was lastnight after I finished praying with my friend, brother, and friends father that we ended in Amen and then embraced eachother with hugs and well wishes for eachother in this next year.

I had been so busy over this past weeks, months it just appears that I forgot who I am, what I hope to be, who Christ is in my life, and more.

As I prayed in the New Year amongst 100 or so others from my church I felt myself surrending some more of my heart. Perhaps the worst downfall of the finals months of 2006 was to let the devil harden my heart. As of now, I continue to give up these issues to God and to continue to soften my heart. Areas I fall into are trying to do it all on my own or figuring others can help me, rather than God our father - himself.

It was a great time and already today I feel excited to see how my New year shapes up to be.

I suppose I have never really made an office "New Years Resolution" but I thought I would share my thoughts for the next year...2007.

#1: To be more diligent in all that I do, plan, and am asked of:

            This pertains to the following:

                          - Reading the bible (also Proverbs for each day of the month).

                          - Contect with support groups for the areas in my life where I struggle.

                          - Join a music group (Choir or worship band) or pick up playing piano again.

                          - Continue to learn Russian (also look over my past Chinese and Spanish texts)

                          - Attend a weekly bible study, young adult group.

                          - Active workout 3x a week ( perhaps losing 25 lbs and maintaining it).

                          - Eating habits (read that writing on the back of products hehe).

                          - Tithing (10% and if more then this will go to Missions or whatever God puts on my heart).

                          - Assist or help lead a group (this involves preaching - which I ask God to bless me in this area).

                          - Plan for travel abroad with my summer vacation.

                          - Communicate more often with family and friends.

                          - PRAY!!!!

#2: To be better at communicating with others:

                           - Speak up for myself

                           - Listen better

                           - Defend and share my faith better and support my words.

                           - Write people letters, emails rather then only a 2 minute cell phone call to catch up.

                           - To be transparent with others

#3: To deal with my personal problems:

                           - Find a counselor to meet with.

                           - Support groups with attention to those areas in my life I need help in.

                           - Talk with those who I have wronged, been hurt by, and hope to mend things with.

#4: To be obedient in my finances:

                           - Pay off all personal debt owed (almost there!!)

                           - Save for things needed for near future

                           - Save for long term needs

                           - Continue paying off credit cards IN FULL every month!!! (so far so good!)

In sharing all of this I pray that you all may be able to, in ways, keep up to date with how I am doing with these four areas of my life I know God will help me to have victory over. I think perhaps that some may have a longer time period then one year, but I know that in all the attempt for these issues is what is necessary to strive for victory and in doing so having contentment, peace, soundness, and obedience to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

"Just think, tomorrow we have a clean slate - its white, we have this new year to start out at" - these words really stuck with me last night and I pray that my slate can continue to be 'white' and really reflect the purity of Christ at the same time.

My prayer:

Lord will you continue to use me in a mighty way this year. I sincerley ask that you change my heart. IN the midst of this New Year I already see that even though its a new year it still is a struggle because we live in the world that will continue to throw everything at my life. May I have victory over the intended things you plan for this year. I pray that this year I will turn to you in everything. Moreover, I pray that you will grant me victory in the following areas: being diligent, better communicator, dealing with personal problems, and finally having obedience in my finances. Lord I also ask that you continue to work in the lives of my friends, family, and church this year and beckon them to you. I turn to you with all this and in your name I pray. AMEN

In Christ,

Jared Michael Dunlap

Ugh...

I have so much on my mind right now...

Its been a long day

Life is tough

My loved ones around me are weak

No communication

Stress

Financial difficulty

Walk with Christ

-----------------------

I thought over somethings today and I wanted to talk with some tonight about them...it seems I will write then.

I made a list while at a seminar today about the random thoughts that came to mind:

-visual reminders

-goals

-exercise

-communication

-emberrasment

-doubt

-school

-stress

-God (#1)

-teaching

-flirtation

-sleep

-patience

-obedience

-hygiene

-memory

-relationality

-sarcasm

God give me insight in all these areas... perhaps they were random but they were thoughts that I know for some reason I was given.

At this hour I am frustrated...my brother and I fight lately and it scares me to think of how we are tearing apart a relationship that is built on so much. 

I hate sin and what it does to me, my family, my friends, school, state, country, my world.

Yet, I tend to fall to it. Rather, I want to turn from it.

I have two decisions at this hour

1) submit this blog, close the laptop, pray, and go to sleep

2) submit this blog, let sin overcast my life and fall in some form through the net or other means...

I decide decision 1...so I must go.

In Christ I put my all...

God, I am sorry if I have put "Xanga" before you. It has served as an aid to my problems, but you serve as the ultimate source. Let me remember to ALWAYS turn to you and not first to this source of aid. I pray Lord that I desire to hear your direction ALWAYS. Thank you for my brothers here and their love, servitude, and compassion. May you bless each and one of them individually. Lord I come to you on behalf of my brother, you see his heart, you see his hurting... Lord break this barrier between me and him. I pray all this in your name.

Amen